ER Istanbul

...the hospital doors flung open, Decline being rushed into the busy ER on a stretcher carried by two Turkish paramedics, gasping for air, twisting in agony:
"Quick! It's another kebab overdose!"
They hooked her on intravenous diet Coke immediately.
"Give her 20 mg of mash!" "Wait, she might be allergic to it!"
" Try to neutralise the kebab with 100 mg of lager instead! "
" we're losing her, hurry!"
___________________________beeep____________________
another kebab victim... sigh, sigh...

Can I have a menu please?

excerpts from a Romanian menu, in a posh restaurant in Bucharest:

'Fried pressed cheese served with cheese'

'Polenta with butter, sweet cheese, salty cheese, cream and a fried egg'

I won't even comment these two. Knock yourself out.

excerpts from a Georgian menu in an expat restaurant in Tbilisi:

'Muzhuzhi' (errr, no idea, but it was written in three different alphabets).

'Soaked piglet' (this one almost made me cry, since I got a mental picture of Piglet from Winnie-the-Pooh arriving at our table, soaking wet and asking in a trembling voice: 'did you order me?')

'Chicken on spit' (yes, that's how I like it. It will still taste like chicken...)

I've got more, but then again, picking on Eastern European food is just like picking on Bush's intelligence (or lack of)... dead easy.

Negotiations

I have negotiated half my life for the other half.
I’ve negotiated graces, big and small
I’ve negotiated spaces on dirt roads between two cars,
between a lazy cow and death.

I have negotiated passages into countries yet to come into existence
and I have negotiated checkpoint Charlies yet to grow a beard.

I have negotiated imperfect grammar for perfect understanding
and I have negotiated languages in seven tongues.
Yet, I have not negotiated a tongue, or a lip.

I have negotiated curfews and freedoms
Values and ideas and ideals.
And I have negotiated wooden souvenirs.

Non-negotiable, yet unconditional.
Non-negotiable, he said.
I have not negotiated love.

Yes Sir, I can boogie

All night long.